To Mothers and Others

Everyone, I am amazed and humbled at the attention and shares this blog has received in just a little over a week. One of the really painful things about having such a sick mother, one I never expected, is that I have found myself putting myself in her shoes as much as possible. We've told you time and time again, understandably so, that she is in pain and scared. Although I am not yet a mom, I know there are plenty of mothers reading who will understand what I am about to say.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know children are supposed to outlive their parents, and I understand how tragic it is when this is not the order in which things happen. BUT this fact aside, I know that no mother wants to leave their children before it is her time. A mom's job is many things. When her kids are little, she's supposed to play nurse, chef, chauffeur, teacher...All difficult in their own respects, but moms are seriously the superwoman of this earth. Mom got to be all those things for me. But now that I'm an adult, roles have changed. She will always hold a higher rank, but she's told me that she's watched our roles shift from less of an authority figure/subservient child situation to more of a friendship. That is how (I believe) it is supposed to go. Mom has gotten to do several other things I believe mothers should do for their children. She has seen my brother all the way through his college career and into his career. She was there to help me get ready for prom, watched me graduate high school, and flew out to college with me my freshman year. There's just so much she has left to do for her children before she leaves this earth--Things she cannot do without getting a new liver. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I need my mom. Until I am out of the house, I need her there in the mornings to make sure I did not slip into a dangerous low blood sugar in my sleep (okay, not a problem every family faces, but a very real one for us). I need her to be able to make the flight to Abilene in May of next year to watch me walk the stage and receive my diploma. I need her to help me move into my first apartment after I graduate. I need my mom to be there to give me away at my wedding; My dad passed away before getting that chance, and the baton has been passed. I cannot let the baton pass again. I need my mom to be in the delivery room with me when I have my children. To hold them, to watch after them, to spoil them as necessary. I need to be able to call her and actually hear her speak when I've had a rough day. I need many more years of the kind of hugs only a mother can give.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm not the only one (not by a LONG shot) who will suffer inexplicably if Mom leaves us. My brother lost our dad too, and it's been so hard. Mom has close friends who check in regularly. They would lose an irreplaceable piece of them. My grandparents have been 15 years now without their oldest child. To lose their only other child would kill them. And my stepfather, Rob. He has been Mom's primary caretaker throughout Mom's entire illness. He has driven her to and from appointments and countless unplanned emergency room visits. He, like I, makes the trip to New Haven to visit Mom every day. He bends over backwards to take care of her. He is her advocate when hospitals and nursing homes have not taken adequate care of Mom. He and I both wish we did not have illnesses of our own that prevent us from being viable matches and saving Mom's life. Rob needs Mom for his own reasons. She is his spouse, the piece that makes him whole. Although he is not my birth father, I know he does not want to be the sole maternal grandparent when the time comes. He needs to be able to have my mom to look forward to coming home to. He is suffering from rheumatoid arthritis, a very painful progressive disease. For how amazingly he is taking care of Mom right now, in time it will be her turn to take care of him in his illness; Without her, who will? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I understand that moms have a sort of bond. When my brother was in college, his roommate passed away. My mom was crying in the kitchen when I woke up that morning, saying "somebody lost their baby today." If we cannot find a donor, two more parents will lose their baby. Two more children will be without parents. One more spouse will be a widower. I think that's something anybody can sympathize with. We are not just anybody; we are children, parents, friends, and loved ones who need a very special woman to stay on this earth. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And so I address mothers today. Most of you are or have been spouses, vowed "for better, for worse. In sickness and in health." All of you have children who will need you long into adulthood. I am sure most of you do not feel ready to leave your children any time soon. You may have lost a parent when you were my age, give or take a few years, and recall how especially painful that experience was. If you have children my age (again, give or take a few years), how do you think it would impact them to lose you? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know for months now we have stressed the importance of people coming forward as living donors for my Mom, but it's a new perspective. Mothers, I'm calling on you. If you choose to be tested to help my Mom, you will still be around and healthy as ever for your children. You will help other children not to lose their "You." Mothers, if you have children who are old enough to be tested, please encourage them to do so. They would save your life in an instant, but by being tested, they are doing what they can to save other childrens' parent. Mothers, if you have a spouse or significant other who is able to be tested, please encourage them to do so as well. Maybe it will be them who stand in my stepdad's place by doing the one thing he is unable to do for my Mom in sickness and in health. Mothers, encourage your siblings, encourage your parents if they are under 60. Friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, anybody....anybody can be a hero and live to tell the tale. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Of course, I am not speaking only to mothers. Everybody has or has had a mother they love. From my perspective as a daughter, my everything right now revolves around my own Mom. We are grateful for those who have been tested and those beginning the process currently, but our search is not over until my mother is in recovery from the surgery, giving a motherly hug to the one who made it possible.