Mom Would Like To Share Some Words With You All

I walked into Mom's hospital room yesterday with an idea: I thought it may help us in reaching anybody reading to get to see and hear my Mom. I asked if she would be interested in or willing to speak to a video camera. She didn't even hesitate in saying yes. I didn't know exactly how filming her would go (I was certainly not comfortable "interviewing" my mother). I'm asking all of you who may be reading to take a moment and watch...and then to read on.
(In case of technical difficulties, I am attaching a link to the same video on our new YouTube page. Again, please take the time to watch before you continue reading.)


https://youtu.be/Pj74USJJEzs

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When I asked my mom if there was anything she wanted to tell people watching, I was expecting her to reiterate that she is in pain, or scared, or the importance of finding a donor for her. But when she says "don't drink" those couple of times, I was surprised.

Yes, my mom is an alcoholic. Of course, she doesn't drink now, but for a long time she did. Please, don't stop reading now and say "she did this to herself"--Let me tell you all a little more. When my mom got sick and told all of us, we were shocked. We were hurting. I can't speak for the rest of my family, but I was FURIOUS. I blamed her, thought she should have just sucked it up and quit. But I know it was never that simple.

Mom still holds that belief and that blame now. I've come to understand addiction enough to say that this wasn't her fault. She's told me "Yes, it was my fault. Nobody held me down and forced me to drink, I did that to myself." I guarantee that every single person reading this knows and loves somebody struggling with some type of addiction. For my mom, I imagine it began as a drink after work to calm down. One drink can very easily become two or three or four. Nobody plans to become an addict. It's a disease, not a choice. An addict doesn't even realize they are on the verge of a problem until it is too late. Case in point: My very ill mother. For as mad as I was when my Mom told me she is an alcoholic, I no longer blame her. She has been sober a long time now--For as long as she's been sick--But I know that she would give anything to have had her second chance before a new liver became her only option for one.

I heard something troubling recently. People are pretty constantly asking how my mom is doing, even people who don't know her. I appreciate that, because it means there are so many people out there who care. A peer of mine asked about my mom a few weeks ago, and made a comment: "They really need to reform the donor system" (true!) "I understand why they don't want to give organs to drug addicts and alcoholics, people who do it to themselves, but good people like your mom? It's a shame." What am I supposed to say to something like that? Addicts are facing a battle that non-addicts cannot imagine; As someone who has never battled an addiction, I can only do my best to understand. Addicts are not bad people undeserving of life, they are merely fighting a bear-impossible battle.  I will need to spend the rest of my life aware of what I consume, so as not to fall into the same trap. It is a scary position to be in, as both an insider and an outsider.

Another note: I was so afraid to post this video, but Mom insisted it was something she was ready to share; She believes that, because we are asking such an enormous favor of everybody, full disclosure is only appropriate. It is our entire family's hope that you will not be discouraged from sharing or being tested by us having shared this information. Addiction is a lifelong battle. No surprise that, being as sick as she is, Mom has no desire or intention to drink. We know it is hard to predict what will happen post-op, but there are procedures in place for ALL individuals on the transplant list. They must become and remain sober, and engage in relapse prevention therapy. My mother has done all of these things, and with the help and support of all of us, she will continue to do well long after the surgery.

You heard her beg: Be tested. Please, get tested. Mom knows she has made mistakes. She feels like she has let people down. It is my hope that most of you do not feel let down; Remember, the illness began long before her body failed her. She wants her life back. She wants her second chance. She wants to be there for her children and one day to hold her grandchildren. She wants to live. She wants to, one day soon, be able to meet the person who saved her life. We, her friends and family, echo these desires. We would give all we have to give my mom her second chance. Help us, please...