Friday, June 24, 2016

A Few Challenging Days

I am a few days behind on updates. Seems as though good things don't typically last these days. We were so excited to have Mom in her acute rehab, and for as tired as it was making her we know she was excited to have the opportunity for such intense therapies. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tuesday morning, we received a phone call telling us that Mom was being transported back to Yale via ambulance. On one hand, we were glad to have chosen a rehab center so close to Yale in case this happened, but we are SO tired of all these bumps in the road leading us back to the New Haven. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mom was being transported because the rehab center did not feel secure enough to perform a paracenthesis (a procedure Mom has had many times, in which the doctors drain several liters of fluid from her abdomen to relieve pressure). They did not have the means to stop bleeding or fluid oozing if either continued after the procedure. Her blood levels were off for several factors, and would best benefit from more intense monitoring that the hospital is better equipped for. Bloodwork Tuesday morning revealed more potential kidney problems, but bloodwork Tuesday night did not show any problems (again with the kidneys playing games). ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It seems as though every step forward means a step or even two back. There's some irony to the latest conclusion: Mom is too weak for the intensive therapy meant to strengthen her. Mom wants to be back in Milford for her acute rehab, so she can get stronger--strong enough for the surgery, and strong enough to be more like a "normal person." I saw her in her last bout of physical therapy in Milford. She made it a few steps, but could not find enough strength to walk the way she did her first day, and she couldn't stand up even with help from her physical therapist. She begged her doctors to send her back to Milford following this hospital stay, but she needs to acquire more basic strength before she will be able to be successful in an acute rehabilitation center. As of now, it is our hope that there will be room in a qualified short-term rehab center some time today (Mom's last short-term rehab center was far from qualified. We are determined not to let that happen again). We worry that standard nursing homes will struggle to meet her needs, but we must also be her advocates if we feel that her needs are not being met.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Of course, the last couple days have brought other stress. Those of you who have followed each post saw my Mom on tape, heard her say how scared she is. We're all scared. We try to put on our tough faces and say it's going to be okay, but there's no way not to be fearful. Finances are running low. Tensions and uncertainties are running high. We have been told by Mom's medical team that the chances of finding a deceased donor that is a match on time to save Mom's life is highly unlikely in this donor region compared to others. We don't know what to do or where to go from here. Prayers and thoughts off strength are, as always, highly appreciated. Thank you all.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

"Stepping" Forward

With how very sick Mom has been, I have been pretty convinced she would stay in the hospital until she receives a new liver. I am happy to say I was wrong. Mom needs some very intense therapy right now (acute therapy)--physical, occupational, and speech. Her various infections over the last two months have made it difficult to move her from Yale to a rehabilitation facility. We ran back and forth between our options for rehab, and although we would love to have Mom closer to home than New Haven, we opted to put her in Milford Hospital because of its proximity to Yale (should she need another sudden trip there). Milford Hospital rents a floor to Yale's acute rehab center, so Yale's staff is working closely with Mom to get her stronger. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- About the surgery itself: We would think that the sicker and weaker Mom is, the better her chance for a liver, especially now that she is not a candidate for a living donor. She is still, and will remain until receiving a liver, extremely ill. However, rehab is aiming to make her stronger--Strong enough to walk, do normal day-to-day tasks, and to handle herself fairly normally. Until she is strong enough, she will not be able to receive a liver. Once she is strong enough, she becomes a high priority for a liver. Unfortunately, the doctors will not be able to tell us exactly how high a priority she is. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mom has been bedridden for the better part of two months. It has been very difficult for us as her family to watch, and it has been perhaps even more frustrating to my adamantly independent Mom. She has not been able to wear clothes. She has wanted desperately to get out of bed, but when they get her out of bed and into a chair, there is fear. Even when there are two nurses stabilizing her, to watch her face and hear her cry while on her feet is a terrible thing. She has not taken any steps (even with help) because her body swelling has made putting pressure on her feet a risk. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yale is one of the best hospitals in the world, and they take good care of her overall. In her month-plus at Yale, however, short staffing has been a blatant reality. Mom has cried that they did not take care of her at Yale. I try to have sympathy for the nurses and aides being pulled in a million directions at once, but admit that it is hard to know Mom is sitting in her own excrements for an hour before someone comes. It is hard knowing that someone may or may not come in time for what she needs when she pushes the call button, and it is hard knowing that through no fault of their own these nurses simply cannot be everywhere they need to be at once--especially with my Mom. Not being taken proper care of at all times has made my mom feel pretty dehumanized. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now that Mom is in Yale's rehab, I am SO unbelievably grateful for the change in environment and care. It is a smaller hospital with more staff than Yale's New Haven campus. When Mom presses her help button, the staff responds and helps her. They have expertise in exactly what she needs. They are sure to turn her every two hours, set goals to have her be more comfortable out of bed, and do everything in their power to ensure Mom is eating even when she does not feel like she can. She is going to be exhausted, because she will be in three hours of therapies every day, but she is so excited for the increased strength and independence it will bring. Mom is in clothes instead of a hospital gown. She is still on contact precaution, so we must wear gowns and gloves while in her room, and she must wear them while outside the room, but this is a small price to pay for the care she is receiving. She is able to handle wearing a necklace with the wedding ring that no longer fits (as I write this she just lifted her ring and kissed it). She is snuggling with a Grover doll and appears as comfortable as she can be given the circumstances.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- But most importantly.......SHE IS MOVING! Today is her first day, and you bet she is exhausted. Her nurse last night warned her today would be a personal hell as she works harder than she has in awhile. She still appears scared while out of bed, but I have witnessed nothing short of a miracle watching her in her therapies today. Before I arrived, I was told Mom walked TEN FEET! Might not seem like much, but this is ten feet from a bedridden woman after about two months of not walking. I watched her in her second bout of physical therapy not long ago. She was scared, and exhausted, but with very little help at all she stood at a walker by herself. She shuffled herself into a wheelchair, was pushed to a rehab gym, and spent ten minutes on an exercise bike. She even asked twice for her physical therapist to increase the bike's resistance. She has a long way to go--weeks here, minimum--but I am not seeing a woman who feels defeated. I am seeing a woman who is hopeful, determined, and ready to beat this. I am so happy to see her here and doing well, and I am so proud to be her daughter
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Sunday, June 12, 2016

Some Difficult News

We have begged for months now for somebody to come forward and be the hero our family needs. I am currently on vacation, and received a call yesterday from my stepfather. He said to me: "Sit down. Are you sitting? Your mom is now considered 'too sick.' She is no longer able to receive a liver from a living donor." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is terrifying news. I could not calm down, and it took me a long time before I could. I am devastated. Liver disease is degenerative. Although Mom has been sober a long time, once the damage was done, it continued. At diagnosis, Mom's liver function was only at about 25%. The last we were told, her liver function had dwindled to about 15%. There is, of course, a real possibility that liver function has decreased further since this report. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, why exactly can't Mom receive a partial liver from a living donor? That is what is really getting to me. We've had so many people tested, and one who was very close to being our hero. It stands to reason with me that a partial, healthy liver would work best compared to a whole liver from a deceased donor. Still, we have been told that mom's body is so sick and so weak that it will not be strong enough to receive only a partial liver. A healthy body will be able to regenerate a partial liver. Unfortunately, a body as sick as Mom's will only be able to do so much with a partial liver. Her body will have to use the partial liver inefficiently, and will be so busy compensating (as it has for so long now--the very thing that has weakened the rest of her body so substantially) that it will not be able to grow the remainder of the liver back as it needs to be grown. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We are trying to remain positive, albeit that is difficult. In one sense, there is something good about Mom being so sick in terms of her now being a higher priority candidate for a deceased donor. I'm trying to be more encouraged than discouraged knowing this, but I struggle knowing the numbers are against us. Mom is one of 17,000 people in need of a liver. There are only 4,000 livers available. The most we can do now is hope and trust that Mom will be one of the 4,000 lucky recipients. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We have struggled throughout this entire ordeal, as people say they will be or are praying for us. We are a family of professing, practicing Christians, BUT while we have faith in our Lord we also know that we must have faith in medicine as well. To have people say "you're in our prayers" has been a very kind sentiment, and the prayers we have received have been much felt and appreciated, but we have needed both prayers and action. It is difficult to admit, but it feels like in many cases "we'll pray for you" is little more than something people say when they feel there is nothing else to say. We have needed people to share our story, to be tested....but that option is off the table. Prayers--which we have needed all along--are all we have left. Pray for us. Pray hard, pray often, share our need for prayer. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mom's spirits the last few weeks have not been wonderful overall, but we are grateful (SO grateful) that the last few days they have been very high. Mom is smiling, her voice is strong, she has no catheter and has had no accidents without it. She is feeling everyone's love, support, and prayers. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We have planned to keep everybody posted on the blog, regardless of Mom no longer being a candidate for a living donor. Mom (and all of us) have some continued requests, however. Please, continue sharing our story. When Mom decided to share the cause of her liver disease, she was so adamant about raising awareness. She wants to continue to educate, knowing that there are others out there who need the same help we did and do, and that there is a stigma attached to her illness that we would like to see disappear. Mom wants those who have felt the pull to be tested for her to keep open hearts and minds. There are thousands of others out there who need the same miracle we do, and it's a miracle that anyone can give. To be tested, and to be an available donor, would save a life--The absolute most incredible gift anybody could give. This is my Mom's wish for all of you: That she and others might be able to experience the kindness you have all shown our family.


Thursday, June 9, 2016

The Trouble Turning 21

I turned 21 yesterday. This is the last "milestone" birthday I will have for quite awhile. Many choose to spend their night bar hopping or getting plastered, but I spent my 21st birthday pretty conflicted.
I didn't choose to smoke, even though I legally could, when I turned 18. I knew that was something I would never do, because smoking is what took my dad from this earth; We knew they would, even before he was diagnosed.
Now, I am legally allowed to drink. It is a right of passage. Something, although I cannot put my finger on what, is different between being legally able to smoke at 18, and being legally able to drink at 21. More people opt to drink when they are of age. I (within reason) feel that this is reasonable, even given current circumstances. I had several drinks, took the obligatory "first legal drink" picture, and celebrated as much as someone in my situation could. It wasn't a bad day, but I just need to be hyper-aware of myself when I choose to indulge. Alcoholism is genetic, and I know that my Mom does not want her baby to end up as sick as she herself is now.
I talked about this concern with my Mom yesterday morning, visiting with her before leaving for my vacation. She says she knows I'm a smart girl, and trusts that I will not fall into the same trap she did. I know I need to consider every move I make concerning alcohol very carefully, but I trust myself too--and I want to be worthy of the trust my mother has instilled in me.
 It just feels like there is a sort of irony to my 21st birthday clichés and the current situation. When I went to the bar for my first legal drink, I still had a message scrawled on my car's rear windshield, saying, "Mom needs liver transplant. O blood, please help us!" And my personal cell. There is a knowledge that I cannot afford to overindulge. There is a fear of even mentioning going to a bar disappointing or hurting my Mom.
 I do not want gifts for my birthday, nor do I expect them. I noticed, as people were writing all their birthday messages on my Facebook wall, my Mom made her way into many peoples' wishes. "Hope your day is great despite the circumstances"..."thinking of you and mom in these hard times"..."We know what you really want for your birthday and hope you find it soon." Honestly, all I want, all I could ever ask for, is for somebody to give me the opportunity to have my Mom around for all the birthdays yet to come. I don't want to have to spend another birthday in the hospital by her bedside; I'd rather wake up to a hug from her in the kitchen first thing in the morning. There is no greater gift I could ask for. I'll even take it as a belated gift--somebody just please help me to get this opportunity.

Monday, June 6, 2016

To Mothers and Others

Everyone, I am amazed and humbled at the attention and shares this blog has received in just a little over a week. One of the really painful things about having such a sick mother, one I never expected, is that I have found myself putting myself in her shoes as much as possible. We've told you time and time again, understandably so, that she is in pain and scared. Although I am not yet a mom, I know there are plenty of mothers reading who will understand what I am about to say.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know children are supposed to outlive their parents, and I understand how tragic it is when this is not the order in which things happen. BUT this fact aside, I know that no mother wants to leave their children before it is her time. A mom's job is many things. When her kids are little, she's supposed to play nurse, chef, chauffeur, teacher...All difficult in their own respects, but moms are seriously the superwoman of this earth. Mom got to be all those things for me. But now that I'm an adult, roles have changed. She will always hold a higher rank, but she's told me that she's watched our roles shift from less of an authority figure/subservient child situation to more of a friendship. That is how (I believe) it is supposed to go. Mom has gotten to do several other things I believe mothers should do for their children. She has seen my brother all the way through his college career and into his career. She was there to help me get ready for prom, watched me graduate high school, and flew out to college with me my freshman year. There's just so much she has left to do for her children before she leaves this earth--Things she cannot do without getting a new liver. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I need my mom. Until I am out of the house, I need her there in the mornings to make sure I did not slip into a dangerous low blood sugar in my sleep (okay, not a problem every family faces, but a very real one for us). I need her to be able to make the flight to Abilene in May of next year to watch me walk the stage and receive my diploma. I need her to help me move into my first apartment after I graduate. I need my mom to be there to give me away at my wedding; My dad passed away before getting that chance, and the baton has been passed. I cannot let the baton pass again. I need my mom to be in the delivery room with me when I have my children. To hold them, to watch after them, to spoil them as necessary. I need to be able to call her and actually hear her speak when I've had a rough day. I need many more years of the kind of hugs only a mother can give.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm not the only one (not by a LONG shot) who will suffer inexplicably if Mom leaves us. My brother lost our dad too, and it's been so hard. Mom has close friends who check in regularly. They would lose an irreplaceable piece of them. My grandparents have been 15 years now without their oldest child. To lose their only other child would kill them. And my stepfather, Rob. He has been Mom's primary caretaker throughout Mom's entire illness. He has driven her to and from appointments and countless unplanned emergency room visits. He, like I, makes the trip to New Haven to visit Mom every day. He bends over backwards to take care of her. He is her advocate when hospitals and nursing homes have not taken adequate care of Mom. He and I both wish we did not have illnesses of our own that prevent us from being viable matches and saving Mom's life. Rob needs Mom for his own reasons. She is his spouse, the piece that makes him whole. Although he is not my birth father, I know he does not want to be the sole maternal grandparent when the time comes. He needs to be able to have my mom to look forward to coming home to. He is suffering from rheumatoid arthritis, a very painful progressive disease. For how amazingly he is taking care of Mom right now, in time it will be her turn to take care of him in his illness; Without her, who will? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I understand that moms have a sort of bond. When my brother was in college, his roommate passed away. My mom was crying in the kitchen when I woke up that morning, saying "somebody lost their baby today." If we cannot find a donor, two more parents will lose their baby. Two more children will be without parents. One more spouse will be a widower. I think that's something anybody can sympathize with. We are not just anybody; we are children, parents, friends, and loved ones who need a very special woman to stay on this earth. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And so I address mothers today. Most of you are or have been spouses, vowed "for better, for worse. In sickness and in health." All of you have children who will need you long into adulthood. I am sure most of you do not feel ready to leave your children any time soon. You may have lost a parent when you were my age, give or take a few years, and recall how especially painful that experience was. If you have children my age (again, give or take a few years), how do you think it would impact them to lose you? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know for months now we have stressed the importance of people coming forward as living donors for my Mom, but it's a new perspective. Mothers, I'm calling on you. If you choose to be tested to help my Mom, you will still be around and healthy as ever for your children. You will help other children not to lose their "You." Mothers, if you have children who are old enough to be tested, please encourage them to do so. They would save your life in an instant, but by being tested, they are doing what they can to save other childrens' parent. Mothers, if you have a spouse or significant other who is able to be tested, please encourage them to do so as well. Maybe it will be them who stand in my stepdad's place by doing the one thing he is unable to do for my Mom in sickness and in health. Mothers, encourage your siblings, encourage your parents if they are under 60. Friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, anybody....anybody can be a hero and live to tell the tale. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Of course, I am not speaking only to mothers. Everybody has or has had a mother they love. From my perspective as a daughter, my everything right now revolves around my own Mom. We are grateful for those who have been tested and those beginning the process currently, but our search is not over until my mother is in recovery from the surgery, giving a motherly hug to the one who made it possible.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Mom Would Like To Share Some Words With You All

I walked into Mom's hospital room yesterday with an idea: I thought it may help us in reaching anybody reading to get to see and hear my Mom. I asked if she would be interested in or willing to speak to a video camera. She didn't even hesitate in saying yes. I didn't know exactly how filming her would go (I was certainly not comfortable "interviewing" my mother). I'm asking all of you who may be reading to take a moment and watch...and then to read on.
(In case of technical difficulties, I am attaching a link to the same video on our new YouTube page. Again, please take the time to watch before you continue reading.)


https://youtu.be/Pj74USJJEzs


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When I asked my mom if there was anything she wanted to tell people watching, I was expecting her to reiterate that she is in pain, or scared, or the importance of finding a donor for her. But when she says "don't drink" those couple of times, I was surprised.

Yes, my mom is an alcoholic. Of course, she doesn't drink now, but for a long time she did. Please, don't stop reading now and say "she did this to herself"--Let me tell you all a little more. When my mom got sick and told all of us, we were shocked. We were hurting. I can't speak for the rest of my family, but I was FURIOUS. I blamed her, thought she should have just sucked it up and quit. But I know it was never that simple.

Mom still holds that belief and that blame now. I've come to understand addiction enough to say that this wasn't her fault. She's told me "Yes, it was my fault. Nobody held me down and forced me to drink, I did that to myself." I guarantee that every single person reading this knows and loves somebody struggling with some type of addiction. For my mom, I imagine it began as a drink after work to calm down. One drink can very easily become two or three or four. Nobody plans to become an addict. It's a disease, not a choice. An addict doesn't even realize they are on the verge of a problem until it is too late. Case in point: My very ill mother. For as mad as I was when my Mom told me she is an alcoholic, I no longer blame her. She has been sober a long time now--For as long as she's been sick--But I know that she would give anything to have had her second chance before a new liver became her only option for one.

I heard something troubling recently. People are pretty constantly asking how my mom is doing, even people who don't know her. I appreciate that, because it means there are so many people out there who care. A peer of mine asked about my mom a few weeks ago, and made a comment: "They really need to reform the donor system" (true!) "I understand why they don't want to give organs to drug addicts and alcoholics, people who do it to themselves, but good people like your mom? It's a shame." What am I supposed to say to something like that? Addicts are facing a battle that non-addicts cannot imagine; As someone who has never battled an addiction, I can only do my best to understand. Addicts are not bad people undeserving of life, they are merely fighting a bear-impossible battle.  I will need to spend the rest of my life aware of what I consume, so as not to fall into the same trap. It is a scary position to be in, as both an insider and an outsider.

Another note: I was so afraid to post this video, but Mom insisted it was something she was ready to share; She believes that, because we are asking such an enormous favor of everybody, full disclosure is only appropriate. It is our entire family's hope that you will not be discouraged from sharing or being tested by us having shared this information. Addiction is a lifelong battle. No surprise that, being as sick as she is, Mom has no desire or intention to drink. We know it is hard to predict what will happen post-op, but there are procedures in place for ALL individuals on the transplant list. They must become and remain sober, and engage in relapse prevention therapy. My mother has done all of these things, and with the help and support of all of us, she will continue to do well long after the surgery.

You heard her beg: Be tested. Please, get tested. Mom knows she has made mistakes. She feels like she has let people down. It is my hope that most of you do not feel let down; Remember, the illness began long before her body failed her. She wants her life back. She wants her second chance. She wants to be there for her children and one day to hold her grandchildren. She wants to live. She wants to, one day soon, be able to meet the person who saved her life. We, her friends and family, echo these desires. We would give all we have to give my mom her second chance. Help us, please...

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Kidneys Are Playing Games

Our top concern for the past 15 months has been mom's liver. We've watched it take everything from her...but the other day it became all-too-apparent that her kidneys are in danger as well. Less than a week ago, we began talking about dialysis. The story has changed some every day; Doctors keep pushing off dialysis. It is a balancing act with this decision, as we are needing to trust doctors more than ever to be watching Mom closely, not make the decision on dialysis until they know it is necessary, and not to wait too late if Mom ends up needing it.
What I have said about the kidneys "playing games:" It certainly feels that way. Once the hospital found Mom a bed in the ICU and put her on medications to help with kidney function, they began to do better. There are two factors we are told to consider when evaluating kidney function: output and color of urine. Mom has overall been producing a normal amount of urine, and it has come out yellow, so we have been feeling good about things.
 We know better than to get too optimistic. I spent the night in the ICU with Mom last night. While I slept away, at about 4:30 AM her nurse noticed that Mom's urine was very bloody, and there wasn't much of it. Right about the time I woke up, a urologist was in to see mom, and her nurse was changing Mom's catheter. With the new catheter, mom's bladder emptied--a good sign in and of itself, but all of its contents were as bloody as the contents of her catheter bag had been earlier this morning.

Her urologist says that this is not necessarily a problem with the kidneys; It could be irritation from the catheter combined with a low platelet count, but we cannot definitively rule out kidney function (especially given events of the last week). This is scary for us. As a rule, nobody wants to focus on the worst case scenario, but Mom is very literally in a life-or-death situation, and by assuming the worst, we are able to keep her alive.
Liver failure has been our family's worst nightmare; To add even the potential for kidney failure on top of it is worse. This is part of why we know we need a donor SOON. If doctors opt to do dialysis, it is both a short-term solution and a reason to put more pressure on the transplant team. If she needs dialysis for these uncooperative kidneys, she will need to be on it until she gets a new liver. If she is on it for more than a few weeks, we will need to look at the possibility for a double transplant.
 IT IS HARD ENOUGH TO FIND A LIVER DONOR, WE CANNOT RISK NEEDING TO FIND A LIVER AND A KIDNEY DONOR.
 We are desperate. We've been desperate, but with kidney issues popping up, it's another pressure on us to find the one who will save my mom and our family. We don't have to know you well or have some long conversation about it (although both are welcome), we just need someone who wants to save a life. Please, help us.
 The Yale transplant line is 866-925-3897. If you even might be interested, please call them. Ask about Susan Myers. We need you.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

What Being A Living Donor Entails

It dawned on me today that for months now we have been asking people to come forward as living donors without fully explaining what this means. There are some organs which can be donated by people while still alive; Most know that, because we have two kidneys, we can donate a kidney while still alive. What is not as well known is that the liver can be donated while still alive as well. Unlike many organs, the entirety of the liver exists to serve the same tasks. There is a natural "split" in the liver, forming two lobes with an approximately 60%/40% split. Liver surgery takes several hours. The donor gives the 60% lobe to the recipient. The liver is an absolutely incredible organ; Although a substantial piece is taken from the donor, as healing begins and continues, both lobes will regenerate into a full liver in both donor and recipient. The recovery takes 6-8 weeks. To even qualify, a donor must be under age 60, the right blood type (any O blood in my Mom's case), and in good health. (Side note: If anybody wonders why a relative is not stepping forward to help, I am the only relative who is young enough with the right blood type, but because I have a chronic illness, the transplant team will not consider me). It is surprisingly difficult to find somebody meeting these criteria, but there are plenty of people out there--people reading this--who do! On this subject, I do not wish to discourage anybody from contacting the transplant team if they do not think they are in good enough health; PLEASE, if you are interested in donating but think you are not in good enough shape, contact the team to confirm. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you are interested and a viable candidate after all, you could be the one capable of saving my Mom's life.  When I tell people in person about the need for a living donor, the biggest question I tend to get in response is, "Well, is she on the list?" Yes, my Mom is on the transplant list. However, as you can imagine this far from guarantees us an organ from a cadaver donor. I am often asked about mom's "place" on the list. Fact is, we don't know; There is nobody with the authority or knowledge to definitively say that Mom will be the recipient of the next available viable cadaver liver. The organ transplant list is fluid. There are FAR more people in need of an organ than there are available cadaver organs (yearly, 17,000 people are in need and only 4,000 are available). To determine who is most in need, a "MELD" score is determined by bloodwork. To even qualify for a cadaver donor, a person's MELD score must be at least 30. My mom's is currently hovering around 30, but it changes based on the procedures done to try and heal Mom to the best of doctors' ability. Doctors have been saying for months--even before her score hit 30--that her score betrayed her health, she is much sicker than it lets on, and that by the time she qualifies for a cadaver donor and has one available, she will likely be too weak to survive the operation. THIS is why we are so extremely desperate for a living donor to step forward. So I've told you what the process entails, from requirements to be a living donor to the reasons we cannot bank on getting a cadaver donor for Mom. But there are other things, things doctors aren't obligated to tell you, that the process will entail and the results it will bring. It requires selflessness and courage on behalf of the donor, and courage and a thankful heart on behalf of the recipient. It means that, after a healing period that is so short in light of the devastating months of illness, we will only need to see the inside of the hospital for check-ups following the procedure. It means that Mom, who can only speak at a whisper, will be able to speak again. It means that she will be able to walk again. She will be able to use the bathroom instead of a catheter, and will not require nurses and aides to clean her BMs. She will be able to put weight back on. She will not have dangerous amounts of fluid beneath her skin. Her skin will no longer be paper-thin. She will not have to limit herself to a liter or less of liquid consumed each day. She will not have to worry about almost entirely losing her mind when levels in her blood go askew. She won't have to wait a month for a bruise to heal. She won't be anywhere near as at-risk for infection as she has been, and if she gets one she will be able to recover quicker--in fact, she will be more likely to recover at all. We will not have to worry about the rest of her body getting so tired of compensating for the liver that they shut down. This is just what it means for my mom. For us, finding a living donor means that I won't have to worry about potentially needing to call an ambulance whenever I walk in the house. It means that we won't be commuting an hour each way to New Haven every day, while trying to work and find time for our own mental health. We won't be kept awake at night wondering how much time we have left with her. My brother and I will have years left with the only parent we have left. My grandparents won't lose their only other child. My stepfather won't be a widower. My mom will escape with her life. I have mentioned this before, but I really want to address anyone reading this personally: Stranger or not, you are not just anyone. In this context, you are not just somebody with a healthy liver we want to take. You are a person--one with a heart that beats, compassion, and love to give. One with family and friends who you would make this decision in an instant for. In my family, and in my community, we don't let a good deed go unnoticed; We are grateful to you for even taking the time to read this. We are grateful for the shares on social media, and the thoughts and prayers being sent our way. We are grateful for those who have already stepped forward to be tested, even though we have no matches as of yet. We are hopeful that someday soon we will have somebody who is both willing to donate and a match. PLEASE--we are all begging--make the sacrifice you would make for a friend, and help us to keep a beautiful soul on this earth. We are running out of time, and we are running out of options.